Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
