He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
