I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
