You're completely useless in the revolution.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
