Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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