I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
