i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
