Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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