Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
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in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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