Screwed.edu
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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