The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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