i wish starbucks made bloody marys
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
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Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
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Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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