She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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