The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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