I booty called her while she was in labor.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
