You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
