my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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