i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
