I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
