I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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