so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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