No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
