the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I just had sex on a roof
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
