I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
