I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait