you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.