Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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