maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
