I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
So vagazzling was a success
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
