Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
