After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
