Girls should come with a carfax report
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
