We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Randomize
