I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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