bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
