if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
