You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
