You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
