I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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