sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
