So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
