Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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