Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
