walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
