i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
