Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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