I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
