Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Randomize
