we're blogging at a bar
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
