The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
