I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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