My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
