Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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