I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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