just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
