Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
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