Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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