Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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