so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
