i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
