So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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