I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
