I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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