My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
