you would pick up someone in the library
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Randomize
